The Big White Penis - Speed Hole Extraordinare

"The story of the big white penis begins with a man.
The story of the man begins with a little white penis.
The story of the little white penis comes down to genetics."

About the original poove with candy-stitching......

Brad aka Bort aka Gee Im Huge Smurf aka Brad der baumeister aka Safety Brad began his humble motorsport career by learning to drive in a white Ford Escort panelvan. A solid, classy beginning but things went downhill from there...

Brads Motoring Achievements

Holden Torana LH - Bought $900, Sold for $4000
Damage: Countless ripples due to debadging and destriping. Brad is not a panel beater or painter.

VK Commodore
Damage: Piece of shit engine rival only to...Dong Dong with a saddle (JJJJnrJ's dog)
Panel/light damage due to high speed collision with an old man in a gemini in a parking lot

VT S Commodore - le piece de resistance
Damage: all of it
Tree + 80km/h

The VS Commodore came about as a result of a love for being in debt and a willingness to conform. No bright yellow 'Gdos' or classic zippy 'Big Reds.' I wanted mass production and now - so off to the commodore shop...
     And there she was, gleaming in her splendid white (actually there were a few gleaming in their splendid white.) I liked the penis' white the best so she got the nod. Only problem was one of those pesky gear changer thingies but I figured that no-one could tell it was different from the outside.

SUS Motorsport member:

VEHICLE:             1995 VS Commodore (Executive)

ENGINE:                V6 ECOTEC

DRIVETRAIN:      5 speed manual, 3.08:1 LSD diff

BODY MODS :      Debadged, stripes all colour coded
                                 Speedhole in Group A race bar (now retired)
                                 Speedhole in original bar
                                 Speedhole in left-hand headlight
                                 Speedhole in passenger front door
                                 One very blue parker and matching halogen bulb (just one!)

ENGINE MODS:    Removal of two cylinders prior to purchase??
                                  K&N Panel Filter in de-nozzled factory airbox
                                  Home-made cold air induction

EXHAUST:               Pacemaker headers
                                   2.5" High-flow cat
                                   2.5" exhaust with some mufflery thing

SUSPENSION:        King Spring Superlows (dont tell the cops)
                                   Monroe GT gas shockies (didnt dampen the dog much though..........)
                                   Nolathane bushes for all
                                   Front std sway bar

INTERIOR MODS: Chewing gum on seat for that grippy race seat feel
                                   Green interior light painted with fabric paint for that eerie presence when reading a road map at night feel

WHEELS:                 Yup, 4 of  'em. Oh, um... cool silver pursuit wheels with hand-made 'racing slicks'  for that ice-skating in wet feel

STEREO:                  Sorry but its doof doof
                                   2 x 12inch JL Audio subs powered by Kicker ZR360 Amp
                                   6.5" shit Alpine splits powered by Kicker ZR120
                                   Stocko rocko parcel shelf speakers
                                   Shit ass alpine head deck that doesnt read  - ALPINE BITES

SECURITY:             Fuel cut off (can only afford $5 at a time)

BEST E.T:                15.6s @ 92 mile/hr  (prior to original bar speedholes : expect 1/2 sec improvement)

FUTURE MODS:     Reprogrammed memcal - 10kw increase
                                   Camshaft - apparently 15-20kw (Ill wait for the dyno)
                                   3.45 : 1 diff gears
                                   Did someone say supercharger???

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